I Want the Not-so-Honest Feedback!

Illustration: ©nishasanu

There’s one thing we worry too much about- Doing it right! And there one thing we fool ourselves about- honest feedback! We work to our best capabilities(oh we do fool ourselves there too), churn out starburst creativity and scrape out any scrap leftover from our days of labour to present the sweet fruits of sweat and sleeplessness in all it’s virtue we deem it to have. The world(blaahbook, blaahgram, bloohtube, blaatsapp, blik-blaahk, ble……hlo, blablublebaaaaaa….aaaa) is enlightened by the newest feather in our cape and we finally sit back for our well-deserved rest, awaiting the honest critical feedback for future improvement, because, well let’s face it; Who doesn’t want a honest feedback? Who doesn’t want to improve? Who doesn’t want the chance to doll-up in that serious expression of impartial acceptance????

But that’s exactly when the real shit hits. The abstinence of mortal emotions in the face of feedback is tested to its pinnacle. Now all the innovator cum formulator cum spawner cum developer wants is to hit back with a braced defence of why what happened the way it worked out. The more you dole out your own inspirations for improvement using intelligent sounding ideas, the more the listener wants to rip off your actually-uncalled-for-you-should-have-realised-it advices. But then, you are to blame anyway. Why in the world would you jump in to offer your honest opinions unless you are one of those pseudo-intellectuals who bask behind the mask of friendship? Why the heck would you be that unfortunate soul who tried to be the ideal booster? Because you misread the request big-time. It was your honest-to-suit-the-hearer-opinion that was called for. Honest-to-suit-the-hearer-after-researching-the-whys-and-becauses-of-the-situation-opinion. In short, you fell even shorter because you weren’t capable enough to understand the circumstances encountered during creation and distribution. BHOOOM! There shatters your well-meaning interference. And now what you’re left with is a concealed rip in the fabric of good intentions and assurances of normalcy since it was all impersonal. It ends with the biggest bluff of the whole exchange, leaving the rest of the what-should-have-been-said to the cerebral screenplay.

So here I am, ready to give out my not-so-honest feedback to anyone who wishes for it. But beware! I have a face and a voice that I’m constantly in conflict with. So either go by my polysyllables or be ready to fight the battle with this worthless opponent (smirking in arrogance)

Published Poems

‘Petals and Bruises’, anthology of poems compiled by Aarthi Sampath and published by Unvoiced Heart Publications, featuring two of my poems has been published today, on 11.06.2020.
The book will soon be available for sale on Amazon.

The links to the published poems on my blog:-

https://poetrypalette.wordpress.com/2018/05/09/im-in-love-with-my-incomplete-life/

https://poetrypalette.wordpress.com/2016/10/15/justitia/

For reading more of my poems/writings, follow me on
http://www.poetrypalette.wordpress.com
http://www.theforbiddenwine.blogspot.com

A Painted Hull

A painted hull

On a weathered rock

Memories

Prayful lips

Little imprints on the bottom

And fading paint

Only

Till the mites are no more

Or the hull

Maya (The Unfinished)

Illustration: ©NishaSanu

Do you remember the story of my first coffee? I don’t know why I thought of it now. Maybe I’m taking a walk down the memory lane. Maybe I’m just reliving the best moments of my life. Before taking the plunge.

It was a dusky evening. The rains were imminent and the academics boring. It was my grandmother who took the detour to coffee and offered to make me my first ever cup, as far as my recollections would go. I may have seen the drink numerous times till then, but nothing ever registered. Then came that evening. The rains began lashing on the brashly cemented front yard. The deafening din was sweet music, never tiring me out. I fidgeted by the door knowing well I wasn’t allowed to go out, yet my heart painfully tried to break open the walls and skip away into the most beautiful gift of the skies.

That was when it hit me. A bewitching waft as I’d never experienced before hypnotised me to my first cup of coffee brewing away.

Later I sat by the door holding a red ceramic cup filled with this narcotic witchcraft, treading precariously on the thin thread of emotions as raw as it could get. I watched the downpour. I let my mind wander into its midst, not knowing that the unearthly image of the gushing river would one day become real. I savoured the aroma till the skies cleared, and left the coffee untouched.

You promised to pen it down for us one day. One whole chapter on the story of a girl with wander-lust eyes who reveled in her first cup of coffee with the senses of her soul. It was supposed to be a dreamy chapter, exploring the pages of someone on her walk to womanhood. It was supposed to be one of the best chapters. A chapter you abandoned, with the whole book.

I don’t blame you. I would have done it too. None us of would choose misfortunes knowingly. We lose track, we deflect, we walk the untrodden path. But we ultimately return to the crib that cocoons us from the tribulations of life. The choice isn’t just safer, but one that promises us a better afterlife in every religion. And somewhere while growing up as ‘good’ human beings, we learn the subtle art of pragmatising religion to suit the confused race of men, all the while secretly engaged in embracing it to find peace. This is nothing new though. This is a war we’ve been fighting with ourselves since the earliest stages of evolution.

I have neither the talent nor the patience to weave a surreal chapter on that beautiful day of my life. I’d given it up to you once. Now I give it up forever. It doesn’t matter because memories are simply intangible episodes that die before you do. Hanging on to them is like an evening tea to some. To others, they come over a beer, as though to suppress the bitter taste of the concoction. And while most regale their little ones with such stories laced with innocent lies, to a few like me, they are stark naked flashes rudely knocking on the conscience. Those are memories that bring tears even when the eyes are tightly shut. Those are memories that speak through ragged breaths.

Those are memories of you. Unfinished. Untouchable.

***********************************************************to be continued

Maya (The End)

Illustration: ©NishaSanu

I’ve been waiting here for quite a while now. For whom? For you? With feverish hallucinations so embroiled in the final fray of anticipation that has Time stopped to let the river gush by. I reveled at her inconsolable wails resonating into the vacuum of a nonexistent past. The present was no more than a disintegrated shell of dreams. Dreams that died in the noose of ridiculous illusions.

Has it been too long? It doesn’t matter, I’ll wait. I’ll wait till you come to the hands you promised to hold and heart you vowed never to let go. When I finally walk into the waters alone…yes alone! I know you promised to walk with me, but do you really have a choice anymore? Life has shown you greener pastures and given you greater promises to keep. You’ve walked too long on the tightrope between the choice of no choice and the choice you wanted to take. Let this be your redemption and my salvation. The same if you want it to be, but worlds apart if you look at it. Through our lives.

Remember the silly romantic you once met? She’s still alive. Not living but very much alive. Me. And that is why I wanted you to scrape up the vermilion and bring me some before I swathe the beguiling depths. It wasn’t tradition and it still isn’t. It is the last touch and last red I want to take with me, and a whole deluge of life through the eyes of a girl who knows she hasn’t lived to her heart’s content. It doesn’t matter though. You’ll never see the tempest raging and thrashing inside my calm demeanor. When you finally come to me, my eyes will spare you the deadly pain of loss. They will never meet yours again. Their salvation.

************************************************************to be continued…….